Growing Desires and Uncontrollable life

‘Baby Ella was born on July 17, 2008. Four days earlier I had been admitted to the hospital as I spontaneously dilated and Ella's water sac had begun descending into the canal at just 21 weeks gestation. I was told by many to just "get it over with" and begin induction as Ella would not likely live. However, my wonderful husband and I would not choose certain death when I had the option to lie in the hospital in the trendelinberg position to ease the water sac back through the cervix. After 48 hours of doing so, there was no change in my condition. Ella was still exposed to infection as was myself, but we were not about to give up. Two more days went by and we hung onto the hope that something would change. However, the only thing that did was that Ella and I now had an infection and there was no way to turn back the clock for her. My wonderful doctor (who was the only medical professional who refused to give up on us) delivered the news on that Thursday around12:40pm. It was no longer my duty to try to save Ella...if we wanted to see her alive, we would have to deliver her as soon as possible. With my family beside me, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who was perfect in every way. My husband and I baptized her immediately and we witnessed her tiny body move and her delicate hand grasp the ring that her daddy tried to place on her fingers...she was so strong. And Ella began to suck on my finger as I brushed it against her tiny cheek. It was a beautiful experience that we enjoyed for 20 minutes until it was time for God to take her home....what a gift we had. Mommy and Daddy love you, Ella Rose! Xoxoxoxoxo’

This was from a random source, but reading it made me realize so much. It was like everything I needed at that time, a little actualization and a little bang on the head to move on and move ahead. I soon understood why I wasn’t happy, simply because I wished for a little too much. Normally you look at other people and wonder if you could be like them and live as wonderfully as their life seems to but ever realized and thanked for what we got? How we keep asking for more while people in some side of the world find happiness in what we call almost nothing, but for them it’s all they can ever wish for! Say Alhumdulillah for all what you have. Only if u imagine all of it going away you'll know the worth of every ounce in your life...

It’s sad that we get what we don’t deserve and we’re still not proud of it, in fact it bothers us that others have a lot more and then we wonder why they do when we don’t, and heres when we start judging without knowing enough.

Complaining is our thing, it’s like what we do most of the time… human nature or whatever u may call, gimme one person who never complains and ill stop writing! Well I bet if u can find a person even for a single day! We don’t accept the fact that we take our lives for granted, we hardly are thankful for what we’ve got while some out there dream a life like you have, it’s a fantasy for them. Growing up with luxuries all around u, updating you’re lives as the world technologizes.

Facts aren’t just a man’s thought, they are practiced or observed and are mostly right. Though I haven’t experimented much with what people think but during my 6 years of teen-age life, I’ve observed all of us are pretty much the same.. well yes the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are in different quantities and different ways but humans in this world live in the shade of greys, no matter how hard you try … u can never mark them on a chart with a  black or white area, we’re not angels and so we can’t stay calm in the worst of situations and obviously we’re not devils either so we care and love at some point during our life… we’re not made of stones neither of tissue so stop judging us by our reactions in various condition. The one thing that is unique, the one thing that is not only physically but technically and emotionally even scientifically your very own belonging and will be a possession that would  be yours till the end of your time, not like a kidney that u can spare neither like a leg that u can live without.. But something that no one in this world can take or ask for till the very end… ask from that heart , do u know oneself ? We hide our little dirty secrets behind the curtains in our brain, we wana think we’re all goody good package sent from the heavens and meanwhile we actually forget the hidden part...but then do we become all the good stuff in the goody bag?

Life isn’t a puzzle that can be solved, neither a race that can be won. Life isn’t some ribbon that can be untangled, it is but just a life…Something that’s very much ours yet the only thing that we can’t ever get, We can’t control life, it controls us! But we sure can limit our desires to get the most out of it...

DEATH- A Chilling Thought

I am a mortal being, then how dare I neglect the eternal fact and make promises forever. Forever is a cliché, It neither has a face nor an existence, but Death does.

I might live for years treasuring my possessions and creating my own life, but in the process of doing so why did I forget I am perhaps a possession of Him. I accept and I expect new lives to be brought in my way, then why do I complain to Him for taking His own lives away. Everything comes to an end after all! Life isn’t like a dream nor like a movie, can’t always be perfect can neither be crafted by hands or pens...it is indeed a magical world created by our Miraculous God. What my God has planned I dare do not know, but He tells me about it, that it is what our future awaits.

A tiny fear that lies beneath the heart of all, from the richest in this world to the most poor, to the happiest and also the most miserable, Death it is. What human is he, if he doesn’t believe in death? Who denies the dreadful existence? We humans perceptibly hold no right and perhaps no power to challenge the inescapable and inexorable death.

It is certainly beyond our understanding; the secret fortune Allah has blessed us with, in some cases which could be rearticulated as ‘destiny we are cursed with.’ Life perhaps turns out to be very insignificant and very short to be observed and talked about when compared, just a fatal existence that is puffed up in every potential way every time, unfortunately everywhere. It’s depressing how we see lives taken away everyday and yet not realize that it is where we will be someday. We prefer ignoring rather than thinking of our time, we prefer hiding it rather than facing.

True that we hide it deep inside, but it comes out one day, it has to. A terror trapped inside, the most bloodcurdling and frightening of all, an existence that deteriorates the mightiest being and diminishes the most awful ache, it is indeed what reminds us of Allah and it is indeed what we Muslims struggle for. Death, however is the most disturbing of all, can be at times a blissful invitation for someone, while knowing how horrendous it is yet we still don’t know how dreadfully horrifying it can be for someone!

Every human in this world lives to make his ending better, somehow or in some way. All that we do in this planet adds to our deeds, either it covers the way further or removes a hurdle from the way but we know it is all recorded till the end. We don’t wana die insulted, we don’t wana die with no good place to go, we don’t wana die manically but what we all want is a peaceful death. When our life ends, all we Muslims wish for is a safe way back home, where the ummah of our dear prophet belongs to; we all wana clear our easy way direct to the heavens! Well let’s wish we all do, but who are we fooling, ourselves? c’mon aren’t you aware of your daily rituals? Do you actually think you’re clearing your way? Well think again, you’re not struggling enough!

Our future is unpredictable, though millions claim to predict and discern, but tomorrow is never known to us humans except for the fact that somewhere someday death will find us. Its funny how the strongest and most intellectual bureaucrats in this world know, and up till now can’t hinder neither the world nor themselves from the gruesome death. Even the thought of which is spine tingling and horrifying, no wonder we can’t wonder what it actually might be.

When you realize your inner fear isn’t wealth or any worldly beings, you know you’re afraid of your mortality. When the leaves blow that block the dark side of your heart, you can see it coming. And nothing remains here now, nothing! There is possibly no escape, but there is a way to make it less fearful, give Him a reason to have mercy on you, give Him a reason to not punish you, give Him a reason to show kindness and be amused by His great kind-heartedness and benevolence. Give Him just one reason and save yourself from the ruthless end of this life, give Him just one for He has given you many…

Life in a day

Yawning and eyes almost shut but I can’t go to bed before trapping these exquisite memories and writing them down as fresh as they are, from the first smile upon your face as u looked at me to the last look in your eyes, it’ll always be inside of me.
 

A day with the person I wish I could be with my whole life, a day with just the two of us. It’s crazy how everything turns out to be fun when you’re around. From morning 8 till midnight, at home and then hitting the mall, doing crazy things that weren’t planned were all the part of my perfect day. The delicious food and the precious gifts, the discussion and arguments about important stuff, the worried mood that was washed away with the excitement, the drawing and playing, the searching and the buying, the movie and the cooking, the Frappuccino and the ‘Friends Forever’ doughnuts, the laughing and the smiling! Ahh all you need in a life, all I had in a day.. You just gave me a Life in a day!

It’s your fascinating self that wants me to be there for you every time of the day. Best friends do anything and everything for each other, and I’ve known that…well since forever maybe because I’ve heard it or even felt it at times but never felt it as bad and as insistently as today. The little smiles that brighten up my world and the little surprises that make it a fantasy, all of today, each part of it was like living a dream.

You are my best friend not because I can talk to u about everything but simply because I can literally talk to u about anything! I never really have second thoughts before telling you my secrets, and the things I’ve rather be keeping to myself. Whether the family stuff or some guy problem whether the fights with friends or the bad days where you do nothing but whine about all the random not-so-good stuff in your life, I know I have one person right behind to listen to all the crap I wana say. You are indeed the only person who’ve had the worst of me and is still so close, you know when I need you bad even when I yell out loud that I don’t, you know and you’re always there when I scream and beg to be alone coz deep inside I’m begging you to stay. You are the one who can actually see the tears behind my smile and it’s not just a cliché you can actually figure out if there’s something bothering me... and yea one thing about me that I hate myself is my egotistical nature, something I really wish wasn’t there and one thing that always forces me into messing up stuff..one thing that possibly potentially can ruin my whole life but yes another bad thing you know and you can deal with  :)

It’s amazing the fact that you were so sure I would love what you did. What more can I ask for than a hand I can always reach when I’m falling, a smile I can always look at when I’m down, a shout I can always hear when I’m wrong, a friend I can always call after screwing up everything. Someone I call the worst things and hurt as much as I can, someone I yell at so bad that if that someone did the same I wouldn’t forget in a million years, someone I expect to hug me even if I smell worse than frying onions or rotten eggs or I vomit after eating strawberries or the smell of all these combined (seriously, eeeewww) and not just a hug, a one long enough to soothe me down.

Well you might not be that amazing, Im well aware of all your bad stuff too. A lot of people have seen you pretty and casual but ive seen the most ugly version of you. Ive heard you cry for as long as it takes for a man to die listening :P and ive seen you cry for things as little as a __ well never mind :P apart from this, something’s I never knew about you and after this summer I do are those which actually makes me happy :P hehe coz the fact that you’re too nice always did bothered me a little :P but I know now you care about yourself a lot though you’re not selfish and you expect people to know about what you did invisibly.. lol a lot more about you that all isn’t good neither bad, but all that what makes me happy, I’m glad to know you.