Fearful ...

I just heard that one incident can change your life; I never really thought it could happen. I believed that a lot more than just one thing is required for a man to change, but though I wasn’t completely wrong, I never knew things can have such an impact on your soul.

All that happened lately surrounded me with such intense fear and blocked all my thoughts, it was like being trapped inside this dark room and seeing all the things I’ve taken for granted. Sometimes the worst is required to heal you from the bad, and how was I supposed to know what I’ve been missing on if I never really understood how important it is. How would I be thankful for these breaths and these numerous gifts and blessings the Al Mighty has bestowed upon us if I hadn’t known its something that everybody doesn’t have and something that can go away in a blink of an eye.

Only if you have seen death real close you’ll know how bad you want to live. How easily we sometimes wish to end it all for some tragedies or worldly stuff and never realize one day it would go without giving us another chance. The moment I thought I’d lose it, it wasn’t the pain that made me shiver and stammer it was the fear I had inside.  The tears came rolling down and I couldn’t put a pause to them because I didn’t know what exactly they were for. I didn’t want anyone or anything beside me and just wanted to know if I could be there to weep all night long as I knew that is what I wana do.

Be thankful every morning for waking up and be thankful for breathing every second, be thankful for you have a family and be thankful for the food, shelter, clothes and the normal life. Its an irony how we talk about pain and sorrow and never think about people who’re at war or in a hospital literally fighting for every ounce of their life. All they want is to get just another day to see this world, just another breathe to be thankful for, just another chance to live their life.

I was hurt and depressed about the problems I’ve been having lately with friends, studies and stuff, and somehow it got worse every day. I tried pulling myself out of it but then gave up, but the other day seeing all those helpless people around me at the hospital, I felt ashamed of myself. I felt ashamed to be called a Muslim and all I could think of was to desperately ask for forgiveness. To say Alhumdulillah a million times to tell Him, and to the world how thankful I am for each and every thing I have in my life and to say Astagfar for all the mistakes and all the sinful thoughts I’ve done and had every single day of my life. I wanted just another chance, another day to make it up to Him and nothing else, no prayer no dua’a or no wish to have anyone or anything except His forgiveness.

I have no right to be angry at anyone in this world and hence forgiving holds no meaning, but I can apologize to each and every person that I’ve hurt, ever, and I expect forgiveness for its what you would expect from Him too. 

DEATH- A Chilling Thought

I am a mortal being, then how dare I neglect the eternal fact and make promises forever. Forever is a cliché, It neither has a face nor an existence, but Death does.

I might live for years treasuring my possessions and creating my own life, but in the process of doing so why did I forget I am perhaps a possession of Him. I accept and I expect new lives to be brought in my way, then why do I complain to Him for taking His own lives away. Everything comes to an end after all! Life isn’t like a dream nor like a movie, can’t always be perfect can neither be crafted by hands or pens...it is indeed a magical world created by our Miraculous God. What my God has planned I dare do not know, but He tells me about it, that it is what our future awaits.

A tiny fear that lies beneath the heart of all, from the richest in this world to the most poor, to the happiest and also the most miserable, Death it is. What human is he, if he doesn’t believe in death? Who denies the dreadful existence? We humans perceptibly hold no right and perhaps no power to challenge the inescapable and inexorable death.

It is certainly beyond our understanding; the secret fortune Allah has blessed us with, in some cases which could be rearticulated as ‘destiny we are cursed with.’ Life perhaps turns out to be very insignificant and very short to be observed and talked about when compared, just a fatal existence that is puffed up in every potential way every time, unfortunately everywhere. It’s depressing how we see lives taken away everyday and yet not realize that it is where we will be someday. We prefer ignoring rather than thinking of our time, we prefer hiding it rather than facing.

True that we hide it deep inside, but it comes out one day, it has to. A terror trapped inside, the most bloodcurdling and frightening of all, an existence that deteriorates the mightiest being and diminishes the most awful ache, it is indeed what reminds us of Allah and it is indeed what we Muslims struggle for. Death, however is the most disturbing of all, can be at times a blissful invitation for someone, while knowing how horrendous it is yet we still don’t know how dreadfully horrifying it can be for someone!

Every human in this world lives to make his ending better, somehow or in some way. All that we do in this planet adds to our deeds, either it covers the way further or removes a hurdle from the way but we know it is all recorded till the end. We don’t wana die insulted, we don’t wana die with no good place to go, we don’t wana die manically but what we all want is a peaceful death. When our life ends, all we Muslims wish for is a safe way back home, where the ummah of our dear prophet belongs to; we all wana clear our easy way direct to the heavens! Well let’s wish we all do, but who are we fooling, ourselves? c’mon aren’t you aware of your daily rituals? Do you actually think you’re clearing your way? Well think again, you’re not struggling enough!

Our future is unpredictable, though millions claim to predict and discern, but tomorrow is never known to us humans except for the fact that somewhere someday death will find us. Its funny how the strongest and most intellectual bureaucrats in this world know, and up till now can’t hinder neither the world nor themselves from the gruesome death. Even the thought of which is spine tingling and horrifying, no wonder we can’t wonder what it actually might be.

When you realize your inner fear isn’t wealth or any worldly beings, you know you’re afraid of your mortality. When the leaves blow that block the dark side of your heart, you can see it coming. And nothing remains here now, nothing! There is possibly no escape, but there is a way to make it less fearful, give Him a reason to have mercy on you, give Him a reason to not punish you, give Him a reason to show kindness and be amused by His great kind-heartedness and benevolence. Give Him just one reason and save yourself from the ruthless end of this life, give Him just one for He has given you many…