Contented

You don't always get what you want, in fact most of the time one might complain how things never go their way but if looked upon from another perspective, you might actually understand that with every bit of light taken away from you, a part of darkness goes away too.

One of my best friends got nikkah-fied and I wasn't able to be a part of her big day. The ceremony was in the country I'm currently staying though another city, but going was possible...I've been planning on what to wear and how to go from about 12 months and in the end things came up and I missed it.

The time when I was told I won't be able to attend the event at 1pm next day, I couldn't stop crying and being angry at all those who made it less possible... I remember clearly spending the entire class crying and the following night sulking, was rude to almost everyone who talked to me [and I apologize now] and hated every bit of my life. It was a moment when everything and everyone was just another thing and person I wish didn’t exist, seemed like my life ended and I had no purpose to live: p I couldn’t think of a time when I was any more depressed and I kept justifying my absurd behavior by telling myself and other how important it was for me to go and how I’ve been working and thinking on it ever since I came to know!

During those funny hours when I was on my bed in an insanely dramatic pose sobbing and sniveling about how unfair life is and how the world came down crashing in the blink of an eye, wondering how happy I used to be and thinking of myself as a tragic phenomenon of this century; I failed to realize how immature and typically juvenile I was being. A few hours later when the night passed and I got to see faces of the few people I love and my day started as routine and things seemed pretty much normal, when I could actually ‘think’ and life wasn’t after all ‘dark and gloomy’ I realized how all my friends made an effort to cheer me up, not to mention I didn’t miss any chance to exploit it and even though they knew it , each one of them kept being incredibly adoring and exceedingly caring, you guys didn’t make it so obvious, it is understood when you do something even though everybody knows how much you hate to.

Anyway the purpose of writing all of this was just to express how much I appreciate my life; you’ll find many reasons as well, you only have to look for it! Life is indeed overrated, it always has the best for you, and all you need is a new perspective J

Appalling Inspiration

The other day when I was asked about my inspiration, I thought for a while. Its funny how I couldn’t think of a person or a thing that inspired me to pen down my thoughts, I gave the notion a lot of time yet days passed and both the extremes of my brain couldn’t search for a pleasing answer. I realize I’m an amateur, yet there had to be a trigger somewhere! After all no one wakes up one morning and goes for divulging their most vulnerable side.

I struggled and skimmed through stuff that I once wrote and read; a lot of things from a lot of different times. Started off reading my own then went from published works of famous writers to random articles by strangers and ended up with realization. There was a lot that I read in the past few days, maybe more than I’ve ever done in my entire life. I then sensed a weird pattern, I remember being asked of my ‘type’ and never being able to answer it. It wasn’t because I wasn’t aware of what I like; but it was exactly because I wasn’t aware of what I like! And how would I, never really had a ‘type’. The thing I discovered was that I never looked for the story or admiring characters, I didn’t care if the author was a best seller or if the articles had good ratings, all I looked for was an enunciation of the fear I had deep down in me. I found it intimidating yet fascinating at the same time.

They say it’s hard to accept what you fear the most, I believe otherwise. Anything is possible but to be in denial about your fear isn’t! One way or the other, all of my imagination and perspective desperately sided towards the dark despite how hard I tried to grip the grey. The depression and anxiety took many forms and ways to come out, just never ended until I admitted unlike life, it isn’t mortal.

I looked up and thought how life inspired me to write, how I realized the worthlessness of materiality, it showed me how words could add emotions and expressions, on which however many diverge. It made sense yet didn’t satisfy me.

Life isn’t eloquent in nature and the words can easily depict the emptiness that is otherwise neglected, it’s a form of art that is often underestimated. Colors could cause mood swings but words can be eternal and even fatal. How the same word can mean thousands of different things and how those words fit in different contexts each time make a complete different sentence, so perhaps it was the words that stimulated my mind. Convincing enough but each time a part of me didn’t agree.

There are many reasons why I write. Mostly to let out what’s inside, things that otherwise I couldn’t have said; other days I’m sharing an observation or an experience. What isn’t palpable is the concept of preserving parts of my life in places that aren’t bound to my mortality.

With that I comprehended that my fear of disappearance is my inspiration. It was the thought of dying that stimulated me to write, the terror was what gave me the right perspective, the mortality was what gave me the attitude. Death is the worst thing that could happen to a being; however for me it turned out to be an inspiration.

And unless my fear is reality, my inspiration remains! Treasuring little pieces of lives, caring about the smallest of smiles, and not just a cliché, but truly and completely living in the moment!

‘Life isn’t good, but life is always fair’ and if there is a birth, there will be a death to balance the equation.

Me with myself all over again.

I know I’ve got my words to play with when everything and everybody else have turned their back on me. And how glad I am that I can at least talk to myself about it, I wish I learned it before.

Of all the things I’ve ever wished for, this one was never a part of the list. every time the thought hit my mind, I used to divert myself and not think if there could be almost, maybe, possibly, probably even the slightest of chance of the thought being right, but how was I supposed to know that all the unexpected is reality. Back then I wasn’t aware of the fact that the scary stuff beyond your worst nightmares could actually be a part of your miserable life someday, and looking at my life filled with all the reality that’s worse than a nightmare, a life I never could’ve possibly projected or anticipated...Well I probably shouldn’t go on, we all eventually learn how life is irrepressible, insurmountable, disobedient, disorderly and so on and so forth... But yes even all grown up and having problems other than school life and exam questions, I never thought it could happen.

Of all the things in life, the one part that has been like a curse was the moment of confession. Where it all started, and how happy I was in that particular moment of time, I’ve regretted it more than anything lately, I’ve been in a state of denial for as long as I can remember. Should I blame myself and let go all I have or wait until life resolves self created hurdles. 

Disappointed.

I tried to give you all that I could think you could’ve wished for, anything and everything that I thought was your desire, and yet in the end, you say you’ve lost. I wish there was at least one time when it was just about me,  I wish I was a priority not for anyone else, atleast for myself.

I tried so hard to be that one person you always wanted me to be, to love you unconditionally, to be there when ever you need me and never complain if you’re not. To care and adore but never be possessive, I was an extremist, ill always be…but I changed that for you. I made myself into something I wasn’t, something I never wanted to be, just to have you in my life. The thought of losing you made me so reluctant to my own set standards and pushed me to so hard that I was one step from falling off.

I was warned at each step, I was laughed at every time, but I kept ignoring and it was always easy. The world was never a problem, I had the strength to deal with it, you gave me the strength, u made me strong but I never had thought even in my scariest night mares, that you could be the ‘world’ one day.

When I cry and someone sitting somewhere laughs won’t bring a slightest change in my behavior, attitude or anything else, I wouldn’t complain or notice causie I obviously wont be there when he cries, and I wont be there by choice. But you tought me that I shouldn’t complain when you’re not around, bevause Im there for you by choice, but yes you’ve got your own explanation of the statement. It always those ‘reasons’ that drag you away from me, and those ‘reasons’ are always something that I don’t get and something I wouldn’t keep as my priority, those ‘reasons’ always hit you when im down on my knees, when my heart needs you bad and when im all alone.

You cried and begged for me to understand, yet everytime it seemed like a lame excuse that could have been changed or altered, if not atleast the behavior and attitude of yours could’ve been better.. it happened everytime, how you ditched how I complained.

I never claimed to be was perfect, never even said that I was better, I just believe I was what you wanted, well at least until today. But you told me you’ve lost, your words woke me up, told me how stupid I am for running effortlessly.

It was so easy to lie to u, and why It wasn’t ever before, that ive no clue, but I kept hiding stuff and smiling and you never noticed and figured out because you did get what you wanted. You had all the love I could give and that made me realize it was what you wanted, not me, nothing except a part of me that loves.

You gave me reasons to not expect, you gave me reasons to step back. I wonder if you ever loved me, cause the moment I started being me, you pointed out flaws in me. But u were so greedy for love, u dealt with it, and when my lfie was nothing but you, all I could think was how to not hurt you. Very vague memories of when you very happy with what I did or said being me, if I was so bad you should’ve left me the moment you saw it. You hold on to me, and then throw me away in the end, what do you expect me to think of you.

I still love you and the last wish I have before I leave this world is to hate you....though for one second, I wish I could stop loving you for a moment, one wish , one last desire…I owe myself that much.

Letter Of Regret

Dear Friend,

It can never be explained or told, love can only be felt. And as stupid as I was to let go this feeling, I leave no meaning at all to all of the world’s most powerful words, but I’m still saying it just in case it could pass thru you, ‘I miss you…’

What I had with you was indescribable, the bond so strong that I literally died each second I wasn’t with you. It’s unusual to find a best friend that is cool enough to make it up to term, and even more unusual to find a person who loves you intimately even after seeing the worst of you, especially when the worst is for him. And  I’d call myself fortunate  if I hadn’t been so wrong in making decisions, if I didn’t make a mistake of having kept all of my worst for you. I’ve always pushed you away from myself, despite of the fact that you were the only person in the world that knew me more than myself. I might have my reasons for doing so, and since I know they’re all useless to you I wouldn’t bother listing them down, and if it feels any right, I now have understood how silly I was, no excuse is good enough to let go your love.

I have always loved myself before being with you, I did so much and so crazy yet no regrets or guilt was there. Right and wrong all I had crossed, but never stuck so bad. But since I’ve had this time with me, the guilt and regret is worse than anything I’ve been through. I hate myself for being so selfish, and I can’t bear out how much disgust is filled within me for the person who has been inconsiderate to you, and for a person who loved herself like I did, nothing can be more remorseful than having forever to blame myself for all the mistakes I’ve made.

The last thing on earth I wanted was, to see tears in your eyes, and how fateful I must say I am to be doing it myself. I’m so sorry for being ridiculously awful and so meaningless, and I’m so sorry for letting you down.

I know this won’t even help cure even half of the pain I’ve given u, but there’s a hope knowing that you’ve always read what’s in my heart and not shown on my face , that you’ll know how sorry I am.

I’m sorry for all those times of your life that I lied to you about being together forever, I’m sorry for loving you more each time the thought of leaving you arrived, I’m sorry for not letting you face the reality, I’m so sorry for the love and the hugs that were just to hide the unwanted pain. But how could I tell you that its wrong when everything felt so right, how was I supposed to wake u up when you were living a dream of your life.

Yes I am aware of what I did to you, and yes I know it’s not something one can forget. I understand if you hate me for eternal and even if you never wish to see me again, but I would like you to remember all the hours of the day we’ve spent talking and the nights we’ve seen each other sleep. I’d like you to reminisce the old times, the exchange of warmth and comfort, the precious unique gifts…and if nothing is strong enough to soothe the pain, close your eyes and feel my existence, feel my hand touching yours, my arms holding you tight and feel your lips on mine. No matter how much you hate me for leaving you in this mortal life, your love for me weighs much more to let you survive.

Neither Life nor death can take away those moments we’ve spent together, and for the sake of the love filled in every moment of those memorable days, I today ask u to forgive me, Forgiveness for not making you a part of my grief as I promised a smile upon your face, forgiveness for not believing in you and letting our thing go away.

I was in love since forever and it grew as I grow, it settled down and lived inside and then I pinch it out of my life. I don’t know why it was done; I’ll just say that was destined to happen.

And for you don’t you, I am glad that I made it easier for you. Blaming me rather than yourself for the killing seclusion is way better than seeing your entire life standing in front of you to walk upon with millions of steps that follow lament and pain.

I wasted my life whining about mistakes, and now that the end seems near I’m afraid your love would just disappear, as I know how much I still mean to you. I thought I was the one in our relation that loved you more, but later realized you secretly overflowed the bucket. I am sorry for not being able to handle that love, and I am sorry for letting so much of you waste away, but one thing my dear I assure you, though great, the pain was never higher than the affection.

I might fail to make things better between us, but I just want you to know, I’ve never loved anyone as dearly as I’ve loved you and that you are and will always be the one closest to my heart. I love you so much that I can literally, and you know how much I mean it when I’m all sentimental and drowned in tears; I would literally drown myself in the sea and cut through my throat to breathe once again to tell you that I love you and then peacefully drive my soul to the seven skies assuring that my last scrap of life wasn’t about nothing but dedicated onto proving my love to you.

PS - The Girl who ruined your life

‘If only heart asked for a reason…’

‘If only heart asked for a reason…’

I wasn’t pissed at them; it was the pigeon that ditched me last night. I was lost in my seven years old story, when I first time met him. I’m not used to of keeping a journal, but if I did at that time, it would’ve said something like this…

‘Dear Friend, (if that’s how it starts…

I saw a pigeon today, it looked beautiful. It was white as snow and clear as a pearl, I've only dreamed about such flawless beauty so it sure was a sight to see. It sat on the branch of a tree right beside me, I turned towards the tree and I couldn't get my eyes off it. 



I only fantasized a little and it started to take off, as it moved in the right direction, I ran after it...Following it all the way into the jungle bare foot, forgetting that I cannot fly, forgetting it was way beyond my league, forgetting who I was I just ran to capture one more glance of the damn pretty thing.’

‘…Its been a week, and I’m still following it, it does sound crazy; running after something that you secretly believe you can’t ever get, but I don wana regret later..So ill keep following it until it comes to me.And even if it never does, I’m sure it’ll take me to some place better than this. Following my own dream wouldn’t get me into big trouble, that’s what I believe…’

A part of me still believes that, while the other is lost since that very day…My faith was right but it proved me wrong, I guess I wasn’t running for nothing, but yes I do wish I did!

‘…Months have passed yet I can’t be repulsive towards it, my keenness to want it have been raised…I still run every time it departs, I still sit back and stare at it during night…days are less relaxing for us, it knows I’ve been following it, it doesn’t react on it much..But I’m glad he knows…’

‘Today ‘It’ became a ‘he’ for me…I and the pigeon are now good friends, he appreciate how I’ve been there for him and helped in during rainy days, he understands how much I care for him and how much I adore him. I think I’ve fallen for his flawless attractiveness and I’m pretty sure he likes me too, but let’s not ruin the moment and enjoy the pleasures of uncertainty.’

If only I did…sometimes things are better unsaid, some questions are better uncovered, and sometimes possession isn’t everything!

‘It was a different look; I knew for sure it’s the right time. We both promised to stay together always. Now I’m letting him sleep as he stopped to give me some rest. How caring of him to understand I’m a human and walking bare feet isn’t a piece of cake, only if I could express enough gratitude to him for understanding something he never felt, and won’t ever come across.’

Those were the days of life, there was a strange excitement in everything we did or said together...even seeing him fly was so exotic that it made me feel like I have my own wings, as days passed and nights spend helping and understanding each other, we were pretty much happy as far as I remember.

‘I love him more now…he is a different person to me, a part of him that I never knew. I touched him for the first time, it was soft and obsessive. With him days are brighter and nights are more wonderful than ever…’

I don’t deny that those times were great, I just can’t figure out why life is like this to me now. I go back a few years and then when I return, I keep wondering if it’s still me that’s living, or u took the nice-err part away and I’m left with just what I don’t like.

‘you stay in the palm of my hands most of the time, talking to you is like letting out all the burden from inside of me and throwing it in a river that washes them away. I’m the happiest with you; you’ve brought the best part out of me…’

…and how would I know at that time that you would go and take that very part along with you…

Its been years now…I’ve grown up, I stopped fantasizing… I’ve stopped dreaming about us, about my life with you, about all that’s not practical and about anything that seems fake…and if I did have a journal, today the pages would say…

‘I ran in the jungle barefoot; just to catch a sight of you. I potentially put my entire life on stake, for living a dream with you. I have you now and after all these years, I don’t know what to do with you… I’ve no more to talk about, no more to share. You don't have anymore adventures for me as I’ve grown up. Did we ever go along? No, it was always one living while the other compromising, welcome to reality my love…we both are now tired…’

And if I did have a journal, it would end with my last words sealed in for no one to know.

‘…I let go today, I’ve set you free, for it is where you belong. You know I am right, but you hate me for being right, you weren’t ready, I wasn’t ready, but I din have a choice. How long can I hold onto something like this, to someone like you…’

‘…I am living in this cruel world now, I see and I know that I cannot fly, I believed but I don’t today, that I had wings… the sky is far again and the sand is what I walk on again… my grave would be underground, beneath the soil I shall be buried. I know I’m a human and I know what I am; I know we don’t belong together so I set u free…’

This would bring my seven years' story to an end, but if I’m stupid enough to believe that this would end my love for you... I need to wake up and realize. Whatever happens is for the best, we both din belong together…

Growing Desires and Uncontrollable life

‘Baby Ella was born on July 17, 2008. Four days earlier I had been admitted to the hospital as I spontaneously dilated and Ella's water sac had begun descending into the canal at just 21 weeks gestation. I was told by many to just "get it over with" and begin induction as Ella would not likely live. However, my wonderful husband and I would not choose certain death when I had the option to lie in the hospital in the trendelinberg position to ease the water sac back through the cervix. After 48 hours of doing so, there was no change in my condition. Ella was still exposed to infection as was myself, but we were not about to give up. Two more days went by and we hung onto the hope that something would change. However, the only thing that did was that Ella and I now had an infection and there was no way to turn back the clock for her. My wonderful doctor (who was the only medical professional who refused to give up on us) delivered the news on that Thursday around12:40pm. It was no longer my duty to try to save Ella...if we wanted to see her alive, we would have to deliver her as soon as possible. With my family beside me, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who was perfect in every way. My husband and I baptized her immediately and we witnessed her tiny body move and her delicate hand grasp the ring that her daddy tried to place on her fingers...she was so strong. And Ella began to suck on my finger as I brushed it against her tiny cheek. It was a beautiful experience that we enjoyed for 20 minutes until it was time for God to take her home....what a gift we had. Mommy and Daddy love you, Ella Rose! Xoxoxoxoxo’

This was from a random source, but reading it made me realize so much. It was like everything I needed at that time, a little actualization and a little bang on the head to move on and move ahead. I soon understood why I wasn’t happy, simply because I wished for a little too much. Normally you look at other people and wonder if you could be like them and live as wonderfully as their life seems to but ever realized and thanked for what we got? How we keep asking for more while people in some side of the world find happiness in what we call almost nothing, but for them it’s all they can ever wish for! Say Alhumdulillah for all what you have. Only if u imagine all of it going away you'll know the worth of every ounce in your life...

It’s sad that we get what we don’t deserve and we’re still not proud of it, in fact it bothers us that others have a lot more and then we wonder why they do when we don’t, and heres when we start judging without knowing enough.

Complaining is our thing, it’s like what we do most of the time… human nature or whatever u may call, gimme one person who never complains and ill stop writing! Well I bet if u can find a person even for a single day! We don’t accept the fact that we take our lives for granted, we hardly are thankful for what we’ve got while some out there dream a life like you have, it’s a fantasy for them. Growing up with luxuries all around u, updating you’re lives as the world technologizes.

Facts aren’t just a man’s thought, they are practiced or observed and are mostly right. Though I haven’t experimented much with what people think but during my 6 years of teen-age life, I’ve observed all of us are pretty much the same.. well yes the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are in different quantities and different ways but humans in this world live in the shade of greys, no matter how hard you try … u can never mark them on a chart with a  black or white area, we’re not angels and so we can’t stay calm in the worst of situations and obviously we’re not devils either so we care and love at some point during our life… we’re not made of stones neither of tissue so stop judging us by our reactions in various condition. The one thing that is unique, the one thing that is not only physically but technically and emotionally even scientifically your very own belonging and will be a possession that would  be yours till the end of your time, not like a kidney that u can spare neither like a leg that u can live without.. But something that no one in this world can take or ask for till the very end… ask from that heart , do u know oneself ? We hide our little dirty secrets behind the curtains in our brain, we wana think we’re all goody good package sent from the heavens and meanwhile we actually forget the hidden part...but then do we become all the good stuff in the goody bag?

Life isn’t a puzzle that can be solved, neither a race that can be won. Life isn’t some ribbon that can be untangled, it is but just a life…Something that’s very much ours yet the only thing that we can’t ever get, We can’t control life, it controls us! But we sure can limit our desires to get the most out of it...

Life in a day

Yawning and eyes almost shut but I can’t go to bed before trapping these exquisite memories and writing them down as fresh as they are, from the first smile upon your face as u looked at me to the last look in your eyes, it’ll always be inside of me.
 

A day with the person I wish I could be with my whole life, a day with just the two of us. It’s crazy how everything turns out to be fun when you’re around. From morning 8 till midnight, at home and then hitting the mall, doing crazy things that weren’t planned were all the part of my perfect day. The delicious food and the precious gifts, the discussion and arguments about important stuff, the worried mood that was washed away with the excitement, the drawing and playing, the searching and the buying, the movie and the cooking, the Frappuccino and the ‘Friends Forever’ doughnuts, the laughing and the smiling! Ahh all you need in a life, all I had in a day.. You just gave me a Life in a day!

It’s your fascinating self that wants me to be there for you every time of the day. Best friends do anything and everything for each other, and I’ve known that…well since forever maybe because I’ve heard it or even felt it at times but never felt it as bad and as insistently as today. The little smiles that brighten up my world and the little surprises that make it a fantasy, all of today, each part of it was like living a dream.

You are my best friend not because I can talk to u about everything but simply because I can literally talk to u about anything! I never really have second thoughts before telling you my secrets, and the things I’ve rather be keeping to myself. Whether the family stuff or some guy problem whether the fights with friends or the bad days where you do nothing but whine about all the random not-so-good stuff in your life, I know I have one person right behind to listen to all the crap I wana say. You are indeed the only person who’ve had the worst of me and is still so close, you know when I need you bad even when I yell out loud that I don’t, you know and you’re always there when I scream and beg to be alone coz deep inside I’m begging you to stay. You are the one who can actually see the tears behind my smile and it’s not just a cliché you can actually figure out if there’s something bothering me... and yea one thing about me that I hate myself is my egotistical nature, something I really wish wasn’t there and one thing that always forces me into messing up stuff..one thing that possibly potentially can ruin my whole life but yes another bad thing you know and you can deal with  :)

It’s amazing the fact that you were so sure I would love what you did. What more can I ask for than a hand I can always reach when I’m falling, a smile I can always look at when I’m down, a shout I can always hear when I’m wrong, a friend I can always call after screwing up everything. Someone I call the worst things and hurt as much as I can, someone I yell at so bad that if that someone did the same I wouldn’t forget in a million years, someone I expect to hug me even if I smell worse than frying onions or rotten eggs or I vomit after eating strawberries or the smell of all these combined (seriously, eeeewww) and not just a hug, a one long enough to soothe me down.

Well you might not be that amazing, Im well aware of all your bad stuff too. A lot of people have seen you pretty and casual but ive seen the most ugly version of you. Ive heard you cry for as long as it takes for a man to die listening :P and ive seen you cry for things as little as a __ well never mind :P apart from this, something’s I never knew about you and after this summer I do are those which actually makes me happy :P hehe coz the fact that you’re too nice always did bothered me a little :P but I know now you care about yourself a lot though you’re not selfish and you expect people to know about what you did invisibly.. lol a lot more about you that all isn’t good neither bad, but all that what makes me happy, I’m glad to know you.

Reality check- I'm Changing...

Mid s were on their way to attack our brains, but I was pre-occupied. While the marketing concept and the author’s craft were down on paper, my mind kept playing with thoughts of the uncertainty. What was it that was bothering me since past few weeks, maybe months…well nothing in particular but I was concerned about a hell lot of things.

Like a note written in ink washed away by a spill of water, all my thoughts were messed up inside. Beneath smile I hid a lot, no pain inside I had indeed, but it was bad I knew it for sure. Every morning was worse, the start of a day with a wish to escape. It wasn’t late when I realized the person I used to be was lost. Optimistic and bright I was designed to be, but pessimistic and dark I have become.

From a school of fish to an aquarium at home, I’ve moved for no good. The acceptance of the distance just took so long. The time kept passing and everything flowed yet nothing smooth. I wandered alone all the night in my dreams, a walk on the rainbow just to feel the colours inside me, cheering myself up and moving out of the past. I’ve refuted to my own customs and let myself down, for I am sorry to be what I become and the loss of the one I cherished to be.

My addiction- My crazy Friends !

When it comes to friends, I’m always filled up with stories to tell. But yeah there’s no way I can get my thoughts written down in words!
Friendship is said to be the most important relation of a person's life, well it has many more definitions and is often discussed about, but friendship is unlike any of the things I’ve ever heard. It’s not just about love, or about trust, neither just about helping; not only supporting or caring is friendship but much more. For me friendship is more like a habit, like a need, something u can’t live without, for me friendship is a must.
Missing my friends at all times of the day is obvious but really wanting to talk to them and for no special reason makes me wonder sometimes how can someone be so much important. Why am I wanting to know about them after every 2nd hour, why is there this weird depression or anxiety when haven’t talk to them for long, there may be a day I’ve lived without food, but none without friends. Everyone loves their friends of course they do, that’s the only reason they call each other 'friends', but did anyone ever thought of calling the person; who annoys you the most, or sum one who irritates u all the time, or someone whom you’re jealous from, or someone you don’t like; you’re best friend ???
Well that’s what makes me and my girls different from the rest. I love friends, yes I do and I say that we're perfect, not because we love each other or we care, but because we need no other. We fight, we curse, we hurt each other the most, there are misunderstandings and jealousy, there’s sometimes irritation and hatred, but we're still the best of friends, we’re not really good at keeping secrets and r never ready to apologize even when guilty, but we comfort and help, we support and appreciate, we know each other completely. In fact sometimes it’s really hard to deal with a situation just because we know what the real thing is while the other is trying to hide it. We understand when a friend is sad even if there’s the biggest smile on her face, we know there’s something wrong even if she tries hard to hide her tears, and anything we do together is fun. We're ready to die just for the smile of the other, selfishness is what we practice, insulting is what we never forget. Hitting is what we l0ve and fighting is our favourite job.
I can proudly say that all my friends were there in all my bad times (if not there would’ve been no bad day, that was all a gift from on to other…the bad days and the miserable time)
no one dares to hurt us so we take the pledge to do it ourselves but then every time a fight ends it leaves us loving each other more at the end of the day.

After reading this people would say that I’m obsessed with my girls, well I guess I am a little crazy about it. I AM! There is something that connects us, something that makes us feel for each other in the same way even after the worst arguments. There is a secret element which no other firm manufactures and makes us feel so relaxed and relieved when we’re together, no matter what the problem is, regardless of the time it arrives at, no matter how big the hurdle is, we always stand hand-in-hand ready to jump as highest as possible. There’s no problem in digging ourselves out of the deepest of depression! There’s no man on earth that can separate us, no one can make us apart, coz we're connected somehow.

Just wanted to say that I love all my friends from the core of my heart and I’m going to stay beside no matter what. You’re more than a need, you’re more than a want…u losers are my addiction!