‘If only heart asked for a reason…’

‘If only heart asked for a reason…’

I wasn’t pissed at them; it was the pigeon that ditched me last night. I was lost in my seven years old story, when I first time met him. I’m not used to of keeping a journal, but if I did at that time, it would’ve said something like this…

‘Dear Friend, (if that’s how it starts…

I saw a pigeon today, it looked beautiful. It was white as snow and clear as a pearl, I've only dreamed about such flawless beauty so it sure was a sight to see. It sat on the branch of a tree right beside me, I turned towards the tree and I couldn't get my eyes off it. 



I only fantasized a little and it started to take off, as it moved in the right direction, I ran after it...Following it all the way into the jungle bare foot, forgetting that I cannot fly, forgetting it was way beyond my league, forgetting who I was I just ran to capture one more glance of the damn pretty thing.’

‘…Its been a week, and I’m still following it, it does sound crazy; running after something that you secretly believe you can’t ever get, but I don wana regret later..So ill keep following it until it comes to me.And even if it never does, I’m sure it’ll take me to some place better than this. Following my own dream wouldn’t get me into big trouble, that’s what I believe…’

A part of me still believes that, while the other is lost since that very day…My faith was right but it proved me wrong, I guess I wasn’t running for nothing, but yes I do wish I did!

‘…Months have passed yet I can’t be repulsive towards it, my keenness to want it have been raised…I still run every time it departs, I still sit back and stare at it during night…days are less relaxing for us, it knows I’ve been following it, it doesn’t react on it much..But I’m glad he knows…’

‘Today ‘It’ became a ‘he’ for me…I and the pigeon are now good friends, he appreciate how I’ve been there for him and helped in during rainy days, he understands how much I care for him and how much I adore him. I think I’ve fallen for his flawless attractiveness and I’m pretty sure he likes me too, but let’s not ruin the moment and enjoy the pleasures of uncertainty.’

If only I did…sometimes things are better unsaid, some questions are better uncovered, and sometimes possession isn’t everything!

‘It was a different look; I knew for sure it’s the right time. We both promised to stay together always. Now I’m letting him sleep as he stopped to give me some rest. How caring of him to understand I’m a human and walking bare feet isn’t a piece of cake, only if I could express enough gratitude to him for understanding something he never felt, and won’t ever come across.’

Those were the days of life, there was a strange excitement in everything we did or said together...even seeing him fly was so exotic that it made me feel like I have my own wings, as days passed and nights spend helping and understanding each other, we were pretty much happy as far as I remember.

‘I love him more now…he is a different person to me, a part of him that I never knew. I touched him for the first time, it was soft and obsessive. With him days are brighter and nights are more wonderful than ever…’

I don’t deny that those times were great, I just can’t figure out why life is like this to me now. I go back a few years and then when I return, I keep wondering if it’s still me that’s living, or u took the nice-err part away and I’m left with just what I don’t like.

‘you stay in the palm of my hands most of the time, talking to you is like letting out all the burden from inside of me and throwing it in a river that washes them away. I’m the happiest with you; you’ve brought the best part out of me…’

…and how would I know at that time that you would go and take that very part along with you…

Its been years now…I’ve grown up, I stopped fantasizing… I’ve stopped dreaming about us, about my life with you, about all that’s not practical and about anything that seems fake…and if I did have a journal, today the pages would say…

‘I ran in the jungle barefoot; just to catch a sight of you. I potentially put my entire life on stake, for living a dream with you. I have you now and after all these years, I don’t know what to do with you… I’ve no more to talk about, no more to share. You don't have anymore adventures for me as I’ve grown up. Did we ever go along? No, it was always one living while the other compromising, welcome to reality my love…we both are now tired…’

And if I did have a journal, it would end with my last words sealed in for no one to know.

‘…I let go today, I’ve set you free, for it is where you belong. You know I am right, but you hate me for being right, you weren’t ready, I wasn’t ready, but I din have a choice. How long can I hold onto something like this, to someone like you…’

‘…I am living in this cruel world now, I see and I know that I cannot fly, I believed but I don’t today, that I had wings… the sky is far again and the sand is what I walk on again… my grave would be underground, beneath the soil I shall be buried. I know I’m a human and I know what I am; I know we don’t belong together so I set u free…’

This would bring my seven years' story to an end, but if I’m stupid enough to believe that this would end my love for you... I need to wake up and realize. Whatever happens is for the best, we both din belong together…