I knew why it was happening, suddenly all my dreams and desires crashing down into pieces. Tears couldn’t stop flowing and my heart sank down and ached so hard I couldn’t resist but to scream. The life I was living all these years was a fake, anything and everything I had disappeared into thin air and all I could do was sit and stare. I thought I tried to run after it, but how wrong I was.
They accused me of not understanding, only if they could understand how I felt! It hurts not to see what we’ve been going through, it hurts to see that I do so much and no one cares; it hurts to see how I’ve made sacrifices that are of no value to anyone but just me.
I don’t wish for anything but to be a better person, how I regret all I’ve done, all I still do … I wish I so wish I could change myself. Why is it so hard to forget...to forgive, why does it seem impossible to end something that has no future, something that is though pleasurable but hard to survive? Something I never wanted to start, something I won’t ever be ready for…
And once again, having so many friends yet I’m so alone. It’s nothing that I hide or I can’t say, it’s just everything I never said. Is this me? I often wonder asking myself, will I be this way forever? Or will I be the person I loved to be. You took away all that was charming about me, left me in darkness surrounded by tears and sorrows and my soul drenched in pain.
I wana stop blaming you, stop blaming all those I indict, but looks like I’ve no control over my feelings. One thing that din change about me, that one thing which I’m not very proud of…I’ve always put relations and emotions above my life, I was never my priority but you and others...and even when I got selfish, it din really get me much for myself.
I’m tired, from whatever all this is. Tired of thinking, tired of knowing all that I wish I dint. I can’t help it anymore, I write because I can’t tell anyone. I write to make myself feel better. How can I hate you, I’m supposed to love you, respect u…I’m obliged to be there for u, its nature and its life. BUT I don’t want to…I wana get out of this, but m too scared to choose the only way, m scared of dying... But I don wana be a part of this anymore.
The chill I can feel in my body right now is awful, I wana make it stop; please make it stop for me. Please!
This was a start of new life; I thought it was a beginning of happiness and excitement... It sure was a beginning, maybe it was even new, but definitely not happiness is what it can be called, not very exciting even.
This was a start of new life; I thought it was a beginning of happiness and excitement... It sure was a beginning, maybe it was even new, but definitely not happiness is what it can be called, not very exciting even.
I’m done cursing myself and friends for the miserable life I’m living from a couple of years. But no, I won’t accept that this is my destiny. I refuse to those who say its fate and you can’t do anything about it. I lived with a hope, will always live with a hope… I believe, even if I’m crushed and all dried, I believe there is at least one light that would shine upon me. I am well aware of my sins and my good deeds, and only I know how bad and deep the regret is… I know I am good, better than many, and I know I will pass through this. I know m not alone; it’s me and my writing, together we'll pass this aching mile.
