It's been a while since I've penned down my bewildering thoughts and desires and I possibly couldn't regret it any more. All of the time I wasted on bonding with others is just that, wastage of time. I wish I'd come back sooner and just vent it all out using ordinary words of an ordinary page.
Life keeps changing and we all sometimes embrace it while most of the time repent it or try to bring back what's gone. I myself had a very, very hard time dealing with my changing world, even today it's overwhelming. I still struggle to fit myself into the life I've created by my very own hands.
It's weird how your thoughts can build up a web which is impossible for you to escape or to inhabit, it's just perplexing and consumes all of you.
I wonder at times if I'm any different than the rest of the people, I often find myself doing and believing against all odds but then I believe we see what we want, isn't it? I wish life was simpler sometimes, that not all questions were unanswered, that we didn't wonder as much. I often find myself pertaining to sleep because of this raveling thunderstorms of what ifs..sometimes nights are all about sobbing and sulking while sometimes, just when I'm lucky enough, peace finds its way to my heart.
Words are very strong, they can express and articulate the extremist of feelings and the broadest of desires yet I feel short of words to express myself. I feel I'll never be able to relate to another being on a level where I feel comfortable enough to break into peaces thinking they'll be there to pick em up. I found the best of friends, I found true love...it's all great, how its spoken about in books and how magical its meant to be but neither friendship nor love brings me the contentment that I can to my life.
There are certain things that control my life, I can't decide if I let them or its just how it is but the great deal of influence they have on me can't be ignored. I find myself trying so so hard to be happy, beating all odds and fighting the dark and gloomy thoughts of my head, confronting the evil and confronting myself, I wish.. I just wish once I'd know where I actually belong!
