Reality check- I'm Changing...

Mid s were on their way to attack our brains, but I was pre-occupied. While the marketing concept and the author’s craft were down on paper, my mind kept playing with thoughts of the uncertainty. What was it that was bothering me since past few weeks, maybe months…well nothing in particular but I was concerned about a hell lot of things.

Like a note written in ink washed away by a spill of water, all my thoughts were messed up inside. Beneath smile I hid a lot, no pain inside I had indeed, but it was bad I knew it for sure. Every morning was worse, the start of a day with a wish to escape. It wasn’t late when I realized the person I used to be was lost. Optimistic and bright I was designed to be, but pessimistic and dark I have become.

From a school of fish to an aquarium at home, I’ve moved for no good. The acceptance of the distance just took so long. The time kept passing and everything flowed yet nothing smooth. I wandered alone all the night in my dreams, a walk on the rainbow just to feel the colours inside me, cheering myself up and moving out of the past. I’ve refuted to my own customs and let myself down, for I am sorry to be what I become and the loss of the one I cherished to be.

My addiction- My crazy Friends !

When it comes to friends, I’m always filled up with stories to tell. But yeah there’s no way I can get my thoughts written down in words!
Friendship is said to be the most important relation of a person's life, well it has many more definitions and is often discussed about, but friendship is unlike any of the things I’ve ever heard. It’s not just about love, or about trust, neither just about helping; not only supporting or caring is friendship but much more. For me friendship is more like a habit, like a need, something u can’t live without, for me friendship is a must.
Missing my friends at all times of the day is obvious but really wanting to talk to them and for no special reason makes me wonder sometimes how can someone be so much important. Why am I wanting to know about them after every 2nd hour, why is there this weird depression or anxiety when haven’t talk to them for long, there may be a day I’ve lived without food, but none without friends. Everyone loves their friends of course they do, that’s the only reason they call each other 'friends', but did anyone ever thought of calling the person; who annoys you the most, or sum one who irritates u all the time, or someone whom you’re jealous from, or someone you don’t like; you’re best friend ???
Well that’s what makes me and my girls different from the rest. I love friends, yes I do and I say that we're perfect, not because we love each other or we care, but because we need no other. We fight, we curse, we hurt each other the most, there are misunderstandings and jealousy, there’s sometimes irritation and hatred, but we're still the best of friends, we’re not really good at keeping secrets and r never ready to apologize even when guilty, but we comfort and help, we support and appreciate, we know each other completely. In fact sometimes it’s really hard to deal with a situation just because we know what the real thing is while the other is trying to hide it. We understand when a friend is sad even if there’s the biggest smile on her face, we know there’s something wrong even if she tries hard to hide her tears, and anything we do together is fun. We're ready to die just for the smile of the other, selfishness is what we practice, insulting is what we never forget. Hitting is what we l0ve and fighting is our favourite job.
I can proudly say that all my friends were there in all my bad times (if not there would’ve been no bad day, that was all a gift from on to other…the bad days and the miserable time)
no one dares to hurt us so we take the pledge to do it ourselves but then every time a fight ends it leaves us loving each other more at the end of the day.

After reading this people would say that I’m obsessed with my girls, well I guess I am a little crazy about it. I AM! There is something that connects us, something that makes us feel for each other in the same way even after the worst arguments. There is a secret element which no other firm manufactures and makes us feel so relaxed and relieved when we’re together, no matter what the problem is, regardless of the time it arrives at, no matter how big the hurdle is, we always stand hand-in-hand ready to jump as highest as possible. There’s no problem in digging ourselves out of the deepest of depression! There’s no man on earth that can separate us, no one can make us apart, coz we're connected somehow.

Just wanted to say that I love all my friends from the core of my heart and I’m going to stay beside no matter what. You’re more than a need, you’re more than a want…u losers are my addiction!

Migrated or Exiled...?

Time passes by so fast and by the time you realize the significance of those few cherished moments they're gone!
So much have changed, literally so much! I’m not the first one who has come all way to Pakistan leaving my family and friends behind, but yea m the only one who knows how much it’s hurting me right now. True that life has got a lot for you, a lot better sometimes and as time passes you learn to cop up with hard times, true that this is the phase where I’ll discover my dreams and try to turn them into reality, true that now I have the chance to figure myself out, it is when I can concentrate on myself more than I did ever. However the price I had to pay for all this worth much more and by the way all this is said only for self satisfaction.

After the school life like I had, sovereign life sounded exciting but at the same time I knew I would’ve been happier if my family and friends were around and when I think this way I so want to quit! I can, in fact I am ready to give up this wonderful self-regulating life though I haven’t lived it completely and thoughts of which scares the hell out of me. I just want a one-way to the Middle East and fly from the Lahore airport for the last time. And when they say I’m a selfish immature brat then how come you let me stay here?!
I can’t, especially when I know there’s a place I can go and it’s better, when I know I’ll be happier then why do I have to stay!

Cumin here was my own decision, my very own decision and until today I was happy and excited about this new place, the new life but the bad parts conquer the good ones and in the end I’m sad, like always I want to press the undo button, no actually the rewind button and go back to those amazingly wonderful times. I want to go back to those fascinating days when every second of life was worth living, I want to tell everyone how I felt about them and I want them to know what they really were to me, and I want them to feel how much I love them and how much I care and then I’ll cum back to this place with no regrets at all, now I know I won’t get what m asking for. I’m not unthankful in fact I secretly believe that I’m blessed with a perfect life. I know being proud is not good but I was, I am! What else can a person ask for? , I had the best one can ever get at a time. The perfect friends, the incredibly supportive parents, the charmingly adorable siblings, the happy moments, the sad times, the politics, the fights, the love, the hugs…everything.

One won’t ever understand unless feels it oneself. I knew it already, we all did, in fact we wanted this, dint we? But despite being aware we were not ready and no matter how long u wait us to be, It’ll take like forever and we still won’t be. I thought I was strong, I thought it wouldn’t be as hard and scary as it seems, well yea it’s not, its worse!! Freaky freaky...what’s going to happen next.
So far all’s well people here are great, so welcoming, the life here is better, more enjoyable, more fun but at the same time...lonely. Well Pakistan may have better people to talk to or cooler places to visit, it doesn’t attract me anymore. I used to get pleasure from those boring dull places with the same ugly faces every time and I loved it seriously. I’m not depressed, I don’t have a reason to be, but yup, if I could make a choice right now it’ll be moving back.

My messy room and the old fashioned furniture, my crazy friends and their lame conversations, my car that lodged 9 and still drove smoothly, the clean roads, the late night hanging outs, the family politics, the boring weekends, the parks, the barbeques, the visits and sleepovers at the farm house. It’s funny how much I’m missing it when all I ever wanted was to escape.

 I’m missing a place where there are no cinemas, tons of restrictions and where girls can’t drive, a place where I’ve spent more than 10 years of my life, a place where hundreds make u smile, a place that is unique, the only place where my hearts want to be, I’m missing old days, I miss it so much.

Thinking about how I’m going to live here totally freaks me out. I’ve got only a few more days to live my life the same way and den everything will change...