Fearful ...

I just heard that one incident can change your life; I never really thought it could happen. I believed that a lot more than just one thing is required for a man to change, but though I wasn’t completely wrong, I never knew things can have such an impact on your soul.

All that happened lately surrounded me with such intense fear and blocked all my thoughts, it was like being trapped inside this dark room and seeing all the things I’ve taken for granted. Sometimes the worst is required to heal you from the bad, and how was I supposed to know what I’ve been missing on if I never really understood how important it is. How would I be thankful for these breaths and these numerous gifts and blessings the Al Mighty has bestowed upon us if I hadn’t known its something that everybody doesn’t have and something that can go away in a blink of an eye.

Only if you have seen death real close you’ll know how bad you want to live. How easily we sometimes wish to end it all for some tragedies or worldly stuff and never realize one day it would go without giving us another chance. The moment I thought I’d lose it, it wasn’t the pain that made me shiver and stammer it was the fear I had inside.  The tears came rolling down and I couldn’t put a pause to them because I didn’t know what exactly they were for. I didn’t want anyone or anything beside me and just wanted to know if I could be there to weep all night long as I knew that is what I wana do.

Be thankful every morning for waking up and be thankful for breathing every second, be thankful for you have a family and be thankful for the food, shelter, clothes and the normal life. Its an irony how we talk about pain and sorrow and never think about people who’re at war or in a hospital literally fighting for every ounce of their life. All they want is to get just another day to see this world, just another breathe to be thankful for, just another chance to live their life.

I was hurt and depressed about the problems I’ve been having lately with friends, studies and stuff, and somehow it got worse every day. I tried pulling myself out of it but then gave up, but the other day seeing all those helpless people around me at the hospital, I felt ashamed of myself. I felt ashamed to be called a Muslim and all I could think of was to desperately ask for forgiveness. To say Alhumdulillah a million times to tell Him, and to the world how thankful I am for each and every thing I have in my life and to say Astagfar for all the mistakes and all the sinful thoughts I’ve done and had every single day of my life. I wanted just another chance, another day to make it up to Him and nothing else, no prayer no dua’a or no wish to have anyone or anything except His forgiveness.

I have no right to be angry at anyone in this world and hence forgiving holds no meaning, but I can apologize to each and every person that I’ve hurt, ever, and I expect forgiveness for its what you would expect from Him too.